road trip pt 7

daddy: we have to get ready so we can get back in time for the parade.

8yo: we have 3 hours until the parade, plenty of time.

daddy: actually, you have to shower, change, get back, park, walk….. in reality, we have like… 10 minutes to get ready.

8yo: I recommend…mass panic.

daddy [nearly drives off the road laughing]

5yo: [talking really loudly]

daddy: you need to keep it down. 

5yo: but when you talk loudly….

daddy: yes, but I’m allowed. I’m a grown up.

8yo: yeah, kids gotta learn to keep the volume down. unfortunately I’ve been hearing lectures about that for EIGHT YEARS.

daddy: unfortunately, we’ve needed to give those lectures for 8 years.

8yo: [rolls eyes]

boom

5yo:  i know something that’s made up.  there are some people who say lightning is caused by the lightning queen, that she uses it to zap angels who are good — like us — and that’s why it’s FAKE. and the thunder queen makes thunder, and the rain queen makes rain. and boys think – here’s what boys think.  boys think that thunder is made by the thunder KING, and rain is made by the rain king, and that……all the weather things are made by kings. and that’s wrong.  and that there are princesses and princes and kings and queens, and that’s why it’s fake, and they know that, and that’s why they forgot. [big smile]

me [having just woken up]:  [brain explodes]