8yo [at dinner table, eating pizza]: this pizza is great. it has crumbs on the bottom that you can like.
me: um, what?
8yo: little yellow crumbs on the bottom. i like to lick them off. [demonstrates the licking for me]
me: you know you are weird, right?
8yo: the crumbs like to visit my face. they have this thing about my eyebrows.
8yo: to avoid the crumby eyebrow thing, you have to eat quickly.
me: um, yeah. [shakes and hangs head]