6yo: mama, i want to tell you something that happened on the playground that you will want to know about.
me [wary since she often tells me things i so do not want to know about]: will i really want to know about this?
6yo: yes, you will.
me: are you sure??
me [sighing]: okay, what?
6yo: there was a dead squirrel on the ground and one of the kids touched it.
9yo: and now they have cooties. or rabies!!!!
me: …that is exactly the kind of thing I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW! especially while i’m eating dinner.
6yo [giggling]: how am i supposed to know that?
me: [drops head onto table]
daddy nicknamed the 6yo varmint when she was about 6 months old. she has totally lived up to this name. however, recently he decided that she has a new nickname……wait for it…… honey badger. as in honey badger don’t give a shit. bwahahahaha yes, it’s totally not right. but it’s probably pretty accurate at this stage.
we enter sports bar-type restaurant.
9yo: look! a giant flat screen TV! ! my dream for my bedroom, along with a hot tub, chandelier, and a water slide.
me: you’d need a much much bigger room. ….
9yo: while I’m at school, pikachu chills out and holds a karaoke party in my closet.
p.s. if you do not know who pikachu is, then according to my daughter, you are lame. but I’ll help you out.
p.p.s. he goes with us everywhere. *sigh*
6yo: look, mama, there’s a blimp in the sky.
me: I think that’s an airplane. it’s moving too fast for a blimp. blimps are slow.
6yo [holding hand up in front of face and moving it slowly] : look, my hand’s a blimp.
me: [drops head and shakes it]
9yo to 6yo: stop fluffing my face
9yo: picture day is the last week of sept.
daddy: ok, i’ll be sure to dress up.
me: me too. i think i’ll wear bunny ears.
9yo: that’s enough to make me want to rip off my underwear.
daddy and me: ???