smh

6yo:  mama, i want to tell you something that happened on the playground that you will want to know about.

me [wary since she often tells me things i so do not want to know about]:  will i really want to know about this?

6yo:  yes, you will.

me:  are you sure??

6yo:  yes!

me [sighing]:  okay, what?

6yo:  there was a dead squirrel on the ground and one of the kids touched it.

9yo:  and now they have cooties. or rabies!!!!

me:  …that is exactly the kind of thing I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!  especially while i’m eating dinner.

6yo [giggling]:  how am i supposed to know that?

me:  [drops head onto table]

that’s just not right

daddy nicknamed the 6yo varmint when she was about 6 months old.  she has totally lived up to this name.  however, recently he decided that she has a new nickname……wait for it…… honey badger.  as in honey badger don’t give a shit.  bwahahahaha  yes, it’s totally not right.  but it’s probably pretty accurate at this stage.

whose child is this???

6yo [lying on the floor with her legs up over her head]:  i have a new friend on my bum.  johnny applebum.

me:….

6yo:  he keeps my bum from getting hurt when i land….or sit….or fall….

me: [shaking head sadly]

6yo:  it’s number 34 on the list of weird things i do.

me:….that list is much much longer than 34.

6yo:  134?

me:  nope.

6yo:  8,234?

me:  closer.