and how is your morning?

so i get up and realize that my desk chair, where i sit to catch up on news in the morning, is gone.  9yo has co-opted it so that her stuffies can sit and watch her play a game on her computer.  there are like 10 other chairs in the house.  but somehow i was the bad guy when i asked for my chair back. *sigh*

i’m either an idiot or a masochist

out eating lunch with the kids.
9yo: this is so delicious.
6yo: did it take your mouth on a flavor journey like mine did?
me: ….where do you get this stuff?!?
6yo: teen titan go.
me: remind me again why i let you watch that show.
9yo: because it is entertaining and it gives us stuff to weird you out.
me: right

please make it stop

on drive home from class field trip
9yo: if my bum could talk,  it would say thank you for reclining my seat.
me: what?!?
9yo: my bum is comfy cozy
me: …
9yo: so if it could talk,  it would say thank you.
me: [shakes head] i suppose if your bum were able to listen,  i would say you’re welcome.
9yo: [cracks up]
me: you are both bum-obsessed. no wonder mimi and papa think there’s something wrong with you.  i blame daddy.

smh

watching a football game between fordham and bucknell.

6yo:  how do you pronounce the one that isn’t bucknell?

me:  fordum.

6yo:  it has one of my favorite foods besides turkey!

me [confused because she rarely eats ham or turkey]: ?

6yo:  one of my favorite foods besides turkey meat……and some others.

me:  right [smh]

um, what? take 2

6yo [reading off placemat]: name a movie with a princess or animal as the star.
9yo: lady and the tramp.  that has both.
6yo: i know.  the eyeball movie!
me: the what??
6yo [giggling like a maniac]: it’s where a boy eyeball and girl eyeball meet and fall in love.  they kiss by….. blinking. [spends next 5 minutes laughing and trying to see her eyes look at each other]
me: *head on the table*