so i get up and realize that my desk chair, where i sit to catch up on news in the morning, is gone. 9yo has co-opted it so that her stuffies can sit and watch her play a game on her computer. there are like 10 other chairs in the house. but somehow i was the bad guy when i asked for my chair back. *sigh*
it’s bedtime. so of course this is happening:
daddy: i HAVE THE KRAGL AND I’M GOING TO GLUE YOU ALL TOGETHER!!!
kids: [shrieking and running for cover]
out eating lunch with the kids.
9yo: this is so delicious.
6yo: did it take your mouth on a flavor journey like mine did?
me: ….where do you get this stuff?!?
6yo: teen titan go.
me: remind me again why i let you watch that show.
9yo: because it is entertaining and it gives us stuff to weird you out.
on drive home from class field trip
9yo: if my bum could talk, it would say thank you for reclining my seat.
9yo: my bum is comfy cozy
9yo: so if it could talk, it would say thank you.
me: [shakes head] i suppose if your bum were able to listen, i would say you’re welcome.
9yo: [cracks up]
me: you are both bum-obsessed. no wonder mimi and papa think there’s something wrong with you. i blame daddy.
9yo to daddy: dude, what’s your problem, you?
daddy: [cracks up]
driving home from dinner.
me: you two calm down back there.
9yo: we’re having our hourly mohawk talk.
9yo: today’s topic is how to keep your sibling from sabotaging your mohawk. tip #1: try not to let her strangle you…..
9yo [sitting on the seat in the car]: it’s cold. i feel sorry for my rear. [note: it’s like 60 degrees outside]
me: [cracks up]
6yo: you are your rear. your rear is you.
9yo and me: …
watching a football game between fordham and bucknell.
6yo: how do you pronounce the one that isn’t bucknell?
6yo: it has one of my favorite foods besides turkey!
me [confused because she rarely eats ham or turkey]: ?
6yo: one of my favorite foods besides turkey meat……and some others.
me: right [smh]
9yo: for some reason, i’m starting a new trend by walking around with my butt clenched.
9yo: you should try it, it feels weird.
me: [drops head into hands]
6yo [reading off placemat]: name a movie with a princess or animal as the star.
9yo: lady and the tramp. that has both.
6yo: i know. the eyeball movie!
me: the what??
6yo [giggling like a maniac]: it’s where a boy eyeball and girl eyeball meet and fall in love. they kiss by….. blinking. [spends next 5 minutes laughing and trying to see her eyes look at each other]
me: *head on the table*
sitting in IHOP. kids bouncing up and down in their seats.
9yo: we’re like 2 eggs in a double boiler!
me: where do you learn this stuff?!?