my 7yo scares the crap out of me sometimes

we are in one room,  listening to the kids play together in another.   all of a sudden,  we hear this:
7yo: and the knife slices down. …. and the person is dead.
no idea wtf they are playing,  but it’s a good reason to sleep with the lights on.

i blame daddy

i come out of the bathroom.  both kids are snickering. i look around suspiciously but see nothing.  9yo whispers to 7yo and tries to get her to tell me something.  7yo refuses.

9yo:  7yo said you said she could use your labeler.

me: um, no, i didn’t.  [narrows eyes at them]  what did you do?

9yo: well, we made some labels….. [laughing behind her hand]

7yo:  i typed in “bum” and made a label to stick on my bum!!!  [giggling crazily and turning around to show me her bum]

9yo:  and then we typed in poopy and pee…….  [cracking up and showing me labels]

me:  stop. just stop. now.  [drops head sadly]

this is clearly daddy’s fault, as they KNOW i don’t want to hear about bums or toilets or whatever.  maybe i should just be happy they are organizing?

um, what? new year’s eve edition

daddy is setting off mortars in the backyard.   we hear sirens in the distance.

daddy: that’s it,  they’re coming to get us.

kids: [squeals]

daddy: yeah, because they will never guess where that noise came from.

9yo [putting hands on 7yo’s head]:  that’s what the cheese said.

daddy and me: ????

7yo: the cheese attacks! [growls]

daddy and me: [shaking heads sadly]