oh the thinks you can think pt 2

so we get to the part where the book asks how much water would 55 elephants drink.

7yo:  if it was 264 elephants, they would drink all the oceans.  it would take maybe a week. [smiles and nods head yes vigorously]

me: okaay

7yo:  but they’d spit the fish out.  like this. [makes noise like she is hocking up a loogie, then a ptui sound]

me: [drops head on table]

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oh the thinks you can think pt 1

7yo is reading this dr. seuss book to me.  she gets to the part about the floating pool.

me:  i think that would be totally cool.

7yo [making a horrified face]:  NOT IF IT IS RAINING RABID DINGOS!!!!!

me:…

7yo:…

me:  you frighten me.

7yo: [laughs uncontrollably]

there is absolutely no off button for her mouth….

still at dinner.  7yo lies down on her bench seat, then pops up saying “stick to the script” about 15 times.

me:  is there an off button for your mouth?

7yo:  no, there isn’t.  [points to one side of mouth] this is the louder button.  [points to bottom of mouth] this is the speed up button.  [points to  top left of mouth]  this is the off button.  [points to other side of mouth] this is the talk really fast button.  so i’m going to cover up the off button so you can’t press it.  actually i’m going to rip it off so you can’t press it.  [proceeds to practically pull her lips off making horrible sound]  there!

leaning tower of pancakes

7yo [pointing at pic on menu]: is this like a building that would be in ancient rome?
me: yes,  that’s the leaning tower of pisa.
7yo: the leaning tower of pisa?  if the leaning tower of pancakes was real,  people would eat it and it would fall over.  nom nom nom. [big grin]
me: *blinks*

little man hands?

in the car on the way to dinner:

9yo: ouch.  i hit my head on the window.
daddy: well, try not to do that anymore. you might hurt the van.
9yo: are you saying my head is a ton of bricks?
daddy and me: yes
9yo: ooh you’re gonna get it.
daddy:  but are you going to give it to us?
9yo: that’s it.  I’m gonna strangle you with my little man hands!!
daddy and me: ?????

i think i need to worry about what daddy is teaching them when i’m not home

came home from work and walked in on kids having dinner. i have no idea what they were talking about, but this is what i heard:

9yo [to 7yo, with emphasis]:  exactly.  YOU are a WOMAN of MANY changes.

i really need to get home earlier because i’m starting to worry what daddy is teaching them while i’m away.