so we get to the part where the book asks how much water would 55 elephants drink.
7yo: if it was 264 elephants, they would drink all the oceans. it would take maybe a week. [smiles and nods head yes vigorously]
7yo: but they’d spit the fish out. like this. [makes noise like she is hocking up a loogie, then a ptui sound]
me: [drops head on table]
7yo is reading this dr. seuss book to me. she gets to the part about the floating pool.
me: i think that would be totally cool.
7yo [making a horrified face]: NOT IF IT IS RAINING RABID DINGOS!!!!!
me: you frighten me.
7yo: [laughs uncontrollably]
me [to 7yo]: stop playing with that straw and put it in your cup.
7yo [touching me with straw]: I TOUCHED YOU WITH THE STRAW. NOW I CAN DRINK YOUR DNA!!!
still at dinner. 7yo lies down on her bench seat, then pops up saying “stick to the script” about 15 times.
me: is there an off button for your mouth?
7yo: no, there isn’t. [points to one side of mouth] this is the louder button. [points to bottom of mouth] this is the speed up button. [points to top left of mouth] this is the off button. [points to other side of mouth] this is the talk really fast button. so i’m going to cover up the off button so you can’t press it. actually i’m going to rip it off so you can’t press it. [proceeds to practically pull her lips off making horrible sound] there!
7yo [pointing at pic on menu]: is this like a building that would be in ancient rome?
me: yes, that’s the leaning tower of pisa.
7yo: the leaning tower of pisa? if the leaning tower of pancakes was real, people would eat it and it would fall over. nom nom nom. [big grin]
in the car on the way to dinner:
9yo: ouch. i hit my head on the window.
daddy: well, try not to do that anymore. you might hurt the van.
9yo: are you saying my head is a ton of bricks?
daddy and me: yes
9yo: ooh you’re gonna get it.
daddy: but are you going to give it to us?
9yo: that’s it. I’m gonna strangle you with my little man hands!!
daddy and me: ?????
came home from work and walked in on kids having dinner. i have no idea what they were talking about, but this is what i heard:
9yo [to 7yo, with emphasis]: exactly. YOU are a WOMAN of MANY changes.
i really need to get home earlier because i’m starting to worry what daddy is teaching them while i’m away.