told kids that cousin Michael would try to fix my mom and dad’s computer camera so we could Skype – they messed it up again. they said how come Michael can fix it and not them? I said my parents aren’t very good at computers, but Michael is.

5yo: here is one thing that Michael is very bad at: shimmer [temporary tattoos].

7yo: yeah, he’s horrible.

me: i’ll tell Michael you just dissed him. LMAO!

daddy is corrupting the kids

evidence that daddy is corrupting/co-opting 4yo: mama, why won’t you let daddy get a motorcycle??

then her imagination kicks in: pretend you said yes. mama, thank you for buying daddy and me a motorcycle!! we are riding on it, and we both have helmets on (yay for safety!). and you are walking with us.

me: walking? i’m not so fast with the walking on the bad ankle.

4yo: well, you will just have to walk faster to keep up. and daddy keeps falling off the motorcycle and hurting himself. so I will have to teach him how to ride it. so now i’m riding the motorcycle and daddy is walking with me. he is a fast walker….

me:  *head explodes*