maybe driving to work wouldn’t be so bad…

me: [home sick for day 2 and on too much cold meds and albuterol, delirious] *walks out to kitchen to get something to eat *

10yo: who wants to hear a song about potatoes?

me: *stares at her blankly*

12yo: oh no

10yo: potatoes, potahtoes, poteetos…[to tune of la cucaracha]


the one where there is a big scary bug UPDATED

about an hour before work ends, I get this text:

me (at work):   *dies laughing*

[co-workers look at me like I’m nuts] 

me (texting back):  is it A flying bug? (yes). where was it? (In the main room) Well, lock yourself in the hallway. I’m sure you won’t starve before I get home. [note: i work  quite a ways from where they are]

them:  ok don’t freak out though. we’re fine 

me: *contemplates how texting they’re   trapped without food equals fine*

UPDATE: came home, looked through the whole house, but couldn’t find any bug. so now we’re stuck with ongoing bug creepiness in the house until something turns up. *sigh*


pizza rolls….not

*watches commercial for hulu and pizza rolls*

9yo:  pizza rolls


9yo: pizza rolls

me: last time we had some, you didn’t eat them.

9yo: well I don’t remember it, so it never happened.

me: hahaha


did I mention the nail  polish had glitter in it?



wtf??? go the f*ck to sleep, child 

went to go tell 11yo it was time for bed.  saw the light on in the bathroom.  knocked and opened the door to find 8yo washing her hands.  then the smell hits me.  nail. polish.  she didn’t want to go to sleep so she decided that the best thing to do was  go into the bathroom and paint her nails. then had to try to wash off the polish because she messed it up.   WTF child?!?!?  *exasperated*


dinner with a side of  creepiness 

7yo [sniffing my arm]: I’m smelling your DNA [this sounds eerily familiar].  you smell like…. light bulbs.


7yo [turning to 10yo]: and you smell like….a cup.

10yo: [frowns] a paper,plastic, or Styrofoam cup?

7yo:  a metal cup.  actually a metal looking cup made out of…..flesh.

10yo:  [mouths help me]

me:  so much for keeping my dinner down