my kids now have theme music

me:  it’s time for bed. turn off the tv in the playroom and go get ready.

them:  [all kinds of wailing and whining, then whispering and silence]

…..

them:  mama, look at us.  [each slowly crawls out of playroom looking sad with their heads down ]  slow, mournful song plays in the background.

me:  [stifling laughter]

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chocolate and beavers: breakfast of champions

breakfast with 7yo.  7yo’s request for breakfast was a “breakfast sandwich.”  which consists of 2 slices of bread with hershey’s chocolate spread in it, cut with a sandwich shaper to look like hearts.  oh, and a babybel mozzarella cheese.  and yoohoo.

……

7yo:  mama, you know how much i love chocolate?  I KNOW IT WHEN I SEE IT.

me:  [laughs because i love chocolate too]

……

7yo:  look, i’m a beaver. a beaver that chews on wood.  not wood wood, but cheese wood. it’s a cheese wood block. i’m a beaver who eats cheese wood.  [proceeds to gnaw on cheese]  biting it from the side. [more gnawing]

…….

7yo [holding up gnawed cheese]:  look, it’s a bed. i’m gonna eat the bed and then i’ll be a monster.

me:  [thinking it’s waaaaay too early for this child]

i do not think that means what you think it means

kids told to get ready for bed and to go brush their teeth.

10yo:  DIBS ON BRUSHING TEETH FIRST!!!!!

7yo: [laughs while grabbing the tooth brush and running around with it]

10yo:  I CALLED DIBS.  DIBS IS 9/10THS OF THE LAW!!!!!

me:  [falls off couch laughing]

and a very good morning to you too

i go in to wake up 7yo this morning.

7yo:  mama, i know what i want for my birthday [many months from now] or Christmas.

me:  [half asleep] great, what would that be?

7yo:  a zippy bag.

me: ??

7yo:  i’d put in on my bed and i’d put my blanket underneath it and be warm and i could unzip this side and unzip that side. no, just this side.  and you know it’s so awesome that if you spill something on it like food or chocolate [mind you, this is apparently something that goes on a bed], it’s…….[huge smile] MACHINE WASHABLE FLEECE!!!!

me:  my life is complete.  get up.

seriously, single mother of three here *sigh*

daddy and kids making a ton of noise in the other room.

me [looking at clock]:  it’s past time to get ready for bed!!  let’s go!

10yo [skipping into the room]:  sorry, mama.  daddy was teaching me how to shoot off people’s heads. (playing a weird, creepy xbox game, not IRL people)

me:……so glad daddy is teaching you the important things in life.  *sigh*

this is why i’m afraid to go to sleep at night

when going in to tidy up the kids’ bathroom before bed, daddy noticed that 7yo had written this on the bathroom wall:

20141213_115346

[read: Darkness riseing over us and the city. “ahaha”hahahaha!]

when asked about it and where it came from (we were hoping from a show or book), she said she just thought it up and giggled hysterically.

hold me.  i’m afraid.

kill me now – bedtime edition

6yo [calling out from her bed where she is reading before going to sleep]:  mamaaaaaa,  i haaaave a neeeww waaay of tellinggggg you whennn i’m done reeeeading.  [voice inflecting up and down]  it invooolves making weeeird noisesssss.

me:  um, no.

6yo:  too late!  i already signed the contract giving me the right to do it!  [laughing loudly]

me [muttering to myself]:  damn soulsucker genes….