me: it’s time for bed. turn off the tv in the playroom and go get ready.
them: [all kinds of wailing and whining, then whispering and silence]
them: mama, look at us. [each slowly crawls out of playroom looking sad with their heads down ] slow, mournful song plays in the background.
me: [stifling laughter]
breakfast with 7yo. 7yo’s request for breakfast was a “breakfast sandwich.” which consists of 2 slices of bread with hershey’s chocolate spread in it, cut with a sandwich shaper to look like hearts. oh, and a babybel mozzarella cheese. and yoohoo.
7yo: mama, you know how much i love chocolate? I KNOW IT WHEN I SEE IT.
me: [laughs because i love chocolate too]
7yo: look, i’m a beaver. a beaver that chews on wood. not wood wood, but cheese wood. it’s a cheese wood block. i’m a beaver who eats cheese wood. [proceeds to gnaw on cheese] biting it from the side. [more gnawing]
7yo [holding up gnawed cheese]: look, it’s a bed. i’m gonna eat the bed and then i’ll be a monster.
me: [thinking it’s waaaaay too early for this child]
kids told to get ready for bed and to go brush their teeth.
10yo: DIBS ON BRUSHING TEETH FIRST!!!!!
7yo: [laughs while grabbing the tooth brush and running around with it]
10yo: I CALLED DIBS. DIBS IS 9/10THS OF THE LAW!!!!!
me: [falls off couch laughing]
i go in to wake up 7yo this morning.
7yo: mama, i know what i want for my birthday [many months from now] or Christmas.
me: [half asleep] great, what would that be?
7yo: a zippy bag.
7yo: i’d put in on my bed and i’d put my blanket underneath it and be warm and i could unzip this side and unzip that side. no, just this side. and you know it’s so awesome that if you spill something on it like food or chocolate [mind you, this is apparently something that goes on a bed], it’s…….[huge smile] MACHINE WASHABLE FLEECE!!!!
me: my life is complete. get up.
daddy and kids making a ton of noise in the other room.
me [looking at clock]: it’s past time to get ready for bed!! let’s go!
10yo [skipping into the room]: sorry, mama. daddy was teaching me how to shoot off people’s heads. (playing a weird, creepy xbox game, not IRL people)
me:……so glad daddy is teaching you the important things in life. *sigh*
when going in to tidy up the kids’ bathroom before bed, daddy noticed that 7yo had written this on the bathroom wall:
[read: Darkness riseing over us and the city. “ahaha”hahahaha!]
when asked about it and where it came from (we were hoping from a show or book), she said she just thought it up and giggled hysterically.
hold me. i’m afraid.
6yo [calling out from her bed where she is reading before going to sleep]: mamaaaaaa, i haaaave a neeeww waaay of tellinggggg you whennn i’m done reeeeading. [voice inflecting up and down] it invooolves making weeeird noisesssss.
me: um, no.
6yo: too late! i already signed the contract giving me the right to do it! [laughing loudly]
me [muttering to myself]: damn soulsucker genes….
this was my putting the kids to bed tonight:
9yo [singing]: tractor! gonna see a chiropractor! he’s gonna fix my backtor! [dies laughing and rolling around on the bed]
[sidenote: clearly i need to rethink letting them watch the fairly oddparents]
6yo [as i tell her to get off the covers and under them]: booty up in the air! booty down on the ground! booty booty all around! [dissolves into giggling fit]
this is what i hear while the girls are getting ready for bed:
6yo: fee fi fo fum i’m gonna bite a superman’s bum.
9yo falls on the floor laughing hysterically
daddy to 5yo: what do you want for dinner?
5yo stands up on bed, makes a silly face, throws her arms around wildly, then falls forward and faceplants herself on the bed.
daddy: [cracking up]
daddy: everyone get ready for bed, or it’s BUM PINCHING TIME!!!
if you happened to wonder where the bum obsession came from. *smh*
7yo [jumping into bed with me this morning]: i’m a talking lump. my name is Talkative Lump. i travel around to beds and scare people.
3yo after being caught out of bed and put back there: look mama, it’s 5 o’clock [pointing to clock which says 9:05], and i didn’t see you in the bathroom, you were supposed to take our pink blowdryer and blow dry your nails, sometimes it’s dark when i go to bed, sometimes i hear the owls and sometimes i don’t hear the owls [which are not what they seem?], and they didn’t have tiger nails, did they?