we can walk from our neighborhood to the kids’ school. after we get off the path, there is a fenced drainage area. with all the rain, it is now completely grown over and the animals are loud as all get out.
7yo: it looks like muck, smells like yuck, and sounds like frog.
i walk in the door coming home from work. 7yo runs up to me to say hello.
daddy: did you tell mama about me?
7yo: daddy has a bandage on his arm. he says he was bitten by a zombie and now he’s going to turn into a zombie. and when he’s tired, he wants to eat brains. [giving daddy very skeptical look]
daddy: and i’m coming for you later, tasty brain girl. [7yo screams and hides behind me, pretending to shake with fear]
me: so glad i came home. [contemplates going back to work]
showed 5yo the Kmart commercial that everyone is freaking out about. [yeah, I’m a horrible mom. bite me.]
anyway, her impression: I like that show. they are lumberjacks. [giggling]
5yo: yes, because that’s what they do. dance.
me: she makes my brain hurt.
5yo: i know something that’s made up. there are some people who say lightning is caused by the lightning queen, that she uses it to zap angels who are good — like us — and that’s why it’s FAKE. and the thunder queen makes thunder, and the rain queen makes rain. and boys think – here’s what boys think. boys think that thunder is made by the thunder KING, and rain is made by the rain king, and that……all the weather things are made by kings. and that’s wrong. and that there are princesses and princes and kings and queens, and that’s why it’s fake, and they know that, and that’s why they forgot. [big smile]
me [having just woken up]: [brain explodes]
The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
Jean Kerr (from Fans of Being a Mom).
more conversation on the way home:
8yo playing around.
5yo: stop, you are making my brain hurt more. 100%.
8yo: i have a mibrain headache.
me: that’s a miGraine. with a g.
8yo: i call it a mibraine. because my brain hurts and it’s a headache.