i’m a single mother of two kids and a zombie, apparently

i walk in the door coming home from work.  7yo runs up to me to say hello.

daddy:  did you tell mama about me?

7yo:  daddy has a bandage on his arm. he says he was bitten by a zombie and now he’s going to turn into a zombie. and when he’s tired, he wants to eat brains.  [giving daddy very skeptical look]

daddy:  and i’m coming for you later, tasty brain girl.  [7yo screams and hides behind me, pretending to shake with fear]

me: so glad i came home. [contemplates going back to work]


morning at our house

i walk in and say good morning to 6yo.

6yo: 8yo and i switched our brains so that daddy wouldn’t have to give them to us and give them out to other people and use his extra smart brains and give them to people who need extra brains….

me:  [leaves room before head explodes]