i blame daddy

i come out of the bathroom.  both kids are snickering. i look around suspiciously but see nothing.  9yo whispers to 7yo and tries to get her to tell me something.  7yo refuses.

9yo:  7yo said you said she could use your labeler.

me: um, no, i didn’t.  [narrows eyes at them]  what did you do?

9yo: well, we made some labels….. [laughing behind her hand]

7yo:  i typed in “bum” and made a label to stick on my bum!!!  [giggling crazily and turning around to show me her bum]

9yo:  and then we typed in poopy and pee…….  [cracking up and showing me labels]

me:  stop. just stop. now.  [drops head sadly]

this is clearly daddy’s fault, as they KNOW i don’t want to hear about bums or toilets or whatever.  maybe i should just be happy they are organizing?

whose child is this???

6yo [lying on the floor with her legs up over her head]:  i have a new friend on my bum.  johnny applebum.

me:….

6yo:  he keeps my bum from getting hurt when i land….or sit….or fall….

me: [shaking head sadly]

6yo:  it’s number 34 on the list of weird things i do.

me:….that list is much much longer than 34.

6yo:  134?

me:  nope.

6yo:  8,234?

me:  closer.

I just want to pee in peace

6yo: [knocks on door to the bathroom I am in and then walks in] hi.

me: yes?

6yo: [turns around,  shows me her bum and scratches it]

me: *sigh* go away.

6yo: [repeats actions]

me: I don’t want to see you scratch your bum. Get out. [smacks her bum]

6yo: no, not until you say butt.

me: no.  go away.

6yo: yes!

me: no.  get out.

6yo: yes.

me: NO.  get.  out.

6yo: [huff at me then storms out of the bathroom,  slamming the door]

me: [shaking head, but thinking] I win

you put your….bum in

so 8yo just informed me that she sat in the bathtub so long her bum is sore.  her first solution was to put her hands in the freezer, then put them on her bum to cool it off.  she said that stung. so i suggested aloe. she said that stung.  when i got back from putting the aloe away, i found her with her pants down, bum sticking in the freezer, saying ahhhhh.  it was all i could not to take a picture or laugh out loud.

btw, she says it feels much better now. 🙂

hold me, please

5yo just got out of the shower. i told her to get dressed.  then i hear from her room….

5yo: i’m shaking my butt, my butt, my butty butt bum. i’m shaking my booty butt, my booty wooty wooty.  my bum bummy bum. i’m shaking my toot bum, my bottttooommmm. [giggling hysterically and running around in front of a mirror]

i’m laughing but that same time, she scares me. a. lot.