and how’s your morning going?

9yo:  i’m cold.  why am i cold?

7yo:  because you are a big ice cube with a bum.

9yo:  well, you are a tooty fruity sno cone with a head.

me:  [sigh]

 

i blame daddy

i come out of the bathroom.  both kids are snickering. i look around suspiciously but see nothing.  9yo whispers to 7yo and tries to get her to tell me something.  7yo refuses.

9yo:  7yo said you said she could use your labeler.

me: um, no, i didn’t.  [narrows eyes at them]  what did you do?

9yo: well, we made some labels….. [laughing behind her hand]

7yo:  i typed in “bum” and made a label to stick on my bum!!!  [giggling crazily and turning around to show me her bum]

9yo:  and then we typed in poopy and pee…….  [cracking up and showing me labels]

me:  stop. just stop. now.  [drops head sadly]

this is clearly daddy’s fault, as they KNOW i don’t want to hear about bums or toilets or whatever.  maybe i should just be happy they are organizing?

whose child is this???

6yo [lying on the floor with her legs up over her head]:  i have a new friend on my bum.  johnny applebum.

me:….

6yo:  he keeps my bum from getting hurt when i land….or sit….or fall….

me: [shaking head sadly]

6yo:  it’s number 34 on the list of weird things i do.

me:….that list is much much longer than 34.

6yo:  134?

me:  nope.

6yo:  8,234?

me:  closer.

I just want to pee in peace

6yo: [knocks on door to the bathroom I am in and then walks in] hi.

me: yes?

6yo: [turns around,  shows me her bum and scratches it]

me: *sigh* go away.

6yo: [repeats actions]

me: I don’t want to see you scratch your bum. Get out. [smacks her bum]

6yo: no, not until you say butt.

me: no.  go away.

6yo: yes!

me: no.  get out.

6yo: yes.

me: NO.  get.  out.

6yo: [huff at me then storms out of the bathroom,  slamming the door]

me: [shaking head, but thinking] I win