7yo [striding on our elliptical]: mama, do we have state farm?
7yo [singing]: and like a good neighbor, state farm is there. [looks around]
me [laughing]: you realize that only works on tv – it’s not real.
7yo: sure it is. watch. [sings] like a good neighbor, state farm is there. [changes expression on her face and deepens her voice] hello!
me: [cracking up]
i walk in the door coming home from work. 7yo runs up to me to say hello.
daddy: did you tell mama about me?
7yo: daddy has a bandage on his arm. he says he was bitten by a zombie and now he’s going to turn into a zombie. and when he’s tired, he wants to eat brains. [giving daddy very skeptical look]
daddy: and i’m coming for you later, tasty brain girl. [7yo screams and hides behind me, pretending to shake with fear]
me: so glad i came home. [contemplates going back to work]
6yo at [real] restaurant: [loudly] where is my fork? hel-loooooo?????
me: [slides down in my seat and pretends i’m not related]