i’m a single mother of two kids and a zombie, apparently

i walk in the door coming home from work.  7yo runs up to me to say hello.

daddy:  did you tell mama about me?

7yo:  daddy has a bandage on his arm. he says he was bitten by a zombie and now he’s going to turn into a zombie. and when he’s tired, he wants to eat brains.  [giving daddy very skeptical look]

daddy:  and i’m coming for you later, tasty brain girl.  [7yo screams and hides behind me, pretending to shake with fear]

me: so glad i came home. [contemplates going back to work]

 

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and on the way home…. more bums

on the way home from holiday lighting, kids are in the back seat.  they have 2 blue glow necklaces and they hooked them together so they have one large circle.  i am thinking they are so cute, posing their heads together and saying it’s a picture frame.  then they decide to play harry potter, and the circle is the entrance to gryffindor common room, and 9yo is the fat lady. and i’m thinking how creative they are and still so cute.  and then…

9yo:  i am the the fat lady.  my name is….mrs. buttsky.

me: um, no.

6yo [laughing]:  and my password is….pikachubums!

daddy and me:  NO.  JUST.  NO.

so much for cute and creative.

i just got home…

so i walk in the door and the kiddies are in the family room watching daddy play a video game.  6yo turns to me and says, “daddy says it’s a big peanut butter.”  i just stared at her for a minute in blank confusion before i remembered that daddy has been making an effort to say “peanut butter” instead of cussing.  LOL