hold me…..I’m scared.  but also kind of proud 

7yo and  10yo watching  mine craft videos on YouTube.

7yo:  I like watching this one. he kills justin beiber. [laughs evilly]

while she still frightens me, at least I taught her that he’s a worthless talentless punk.  go me.  

hold me…..I’m scared.  but also kind of proud 

7yo and  10yo watching  mine craft videos on YouTube.

7yo:  I like watching this one. he kills justin beiber. [laughs evilly]

while she still frightens me, at least I taught her that he’s a worthless talentless punk.  go me.  

chocolate and beavers: breakfast of champions

breakfast with 7yo.  7yo’s request for breakfast was a “breakfast sandwich.”  which consists of 2 slices of bread with hershey’s chocolate spread in it, cut with a sandwich shaper to look like hearts.  oh, and a babybel mozzarella cheese.  and yoohoo.

……

7yo:  mama, you know how much i love chocolate?  I KNOW IT WHEN I SEE IT.

me:  [laughs because i love chocolate too]

……

7yo:  look, i’m a beaver. a beaver that chews on wood.  not wood wood, but cheese wood. it’s a cheese wood block. i’m a beaver who eats cheese wood.  [proceeds to gnaw on cheese]  biting it from the side. [more gnawing]

…….

7yo [holding up gnawed cheese]:  look, it’s a bed. i’m gonna eat the bed and then i’ll be a monster.

me:  [thinking it’s waaaaay too early for this child]

never ask my kids to tell you a story

last night, while i was making cookies, 10yo decided she would tell 7yo and me a story.  it went something like this:

10yo:  once upon a time, there was nothing to say.  the end.

me:  um, that kinda sucked as a story.  [7yo agreed]

10yo:  fine.  i’ll do it again.

after about 3 more tries where the story gets marginally longer but still manages to say nothing, 10yo enlists the help of 7yo to act out this story.

10yo:  once upon a time [7yo points to wrist like a watch], in a galaxy far far away [yes, i do teach my kids the important things in life] [7yo makes grand sweeping motions like the galaxy, then points far away], there were a bunch of people who didn’t do much of anything at all [7yo shrugs] and eventually they all died of boredomitis [7yo drops on the floor].

me [trying not to crack up]:  everyone dies?  that still kinda sucks.  [7yo again agrees]

10yo:  fine. so they all came back to life as kickboxing zombies and got rid of all the bad guys.  [7yo jumps up and does karate moves with a weird look on her face]  the end.

me: [drops head down and laughs so hard i nearly cry into the cookie batter]

i do not think that means what you think it means

kids told to get ready for bed and to go brush their teeth.

10yo:  DIBS ON BRUSHING TEETH FIRST!!!!!

7yo: [laughs while grabbing the tooth brush and running around with it]

10yo:  I CALLED DIBS.  DIBS IS 9/10THS OF THE LAW!!!!!

me:  [falls off couch laughing]