kill me now – bedtime edition

6yo [calling out from her bed where she is reading before going to sleep]:  mamaaaaaa,  i haaaave a neeeww waaay of tellinggggg you whennn i’m done reeeeading.  [voice inflecting up and down]  it invooolves making weeeird noisesssss.

me:  um, no.

6yo:  too late!  i already signed the contract giving me the right to do it!  [laughing loudly]

me [muttering to myself]:  damn soulsucker genes….

weird? why would that be weird?

9yo [holding one large bean bag in front of her and one behind]:  look how i’m going to be, mama.  i’m beanburger.  as in beanbag burger.  i narrowed it to beanburger so it wouldn’t sound weird.

me:  ….right