still at dinner. 7yo lies down on her bench seat, then pops up saying “stick to the script” about 15 times.
me: is there an off button for your mouth?
7yo: no, there isn’t. [points to one side of mouth] this is the louder button. [points to bottom of mouth] this is the speed up button. [points to top left of mouth] this is the off button. [points to other side of mouth] this is the talk really fast button. so i’m going to cover up the off button so you can’t press it. actually i’m going to rip it off so you can’t press it. [proceeds to practically pull her lips off making horrible sound] there!
on the way home from holiday lighting, kids are in the back seat. they have 2 blue glow necklaces and they hooked them together so they have one large circle. i am thinking they are so cute, posing their heads together and saying it’s a picture frame. then they decide to play harry potter, and the circle is the entrance to gryffindor common room, and 9yo is the fat lady. and i’m thinking how creative they are and still so cute. and then…
9yo: i am the the fat lady. my name is….mrs. buttsky.
me: um, no.
6yo [laughing]: and my password is….pikachubums!
daddy and me: NO. JUST. NO.
so much for cute and creative.
3yo: lay on your back.
3yo: you have to do what i say.
me: no, i don’t.
3yo: ummm, do it anyway.
me: ummm, no.