whose kid is this?

daddy:  what is that noise?

10yo: it is rain, father.

daddy: …… ok…daughter.

10yo: surely you must have learned about this when you were young.

me:  whose child are you?

at least she’s honest?

i walk past 10yo and she makes this horrible growling scratchy noise.

me:  WTH was that??

10yo:  i was just clearing my throat in a loud and unfriendly way.

me:…..

seriously, single mother of three here *sigh*

daddy and kids making a ton of noise in the other room.

me [looking at clock]:  it’s past time to get ready for bed!!  let’s go!

10yo [skipping into the room]:  sorry, mama.  daddy was teaching me how to shoot off people’s heads. (playing a weird, creepy xbox game, not IRL people)

me:……so glad daddy is teaching you the important things in life.  *sigh*

oh the thinks you can think pt 2

so we get to the part where the book asks how much water would 55 elephants drink.

7yo:  if it was 264 elephants, they would drink all the oceans.  it would take maybe a week. [smiles and nods head yes vigorously]

me: okaay

7yo:  but they’d spit the fish out.  like this. [makes noise like she is hocking up a loogie, then a ptui sound]

me: [drops head on table]