never ask my kids to tell you a story

last night, while i was making cookies, 10yo decided she would tell 7yo and me a story.  it went something like this:

10yo:  once upon a time, there was nothing to say.  the end.

me:  um, that kinda sucked as a story.  [7yo agreed]

10yo:  fine.  i’ll do it again.

after about 3 more tries where the story gets marginally longer but still manages to say nothing, 10yo enlists the help of 7yo to act out this story.

10yo:  once upon a time [7yo points to wrist like a watch], in a galaxy far far away [yes, i do teach my kids the important things in life] [7yo makes grand sweeping motions like the galaxy, then points far away], there were a bunch of people who didn’t do much of anything at all [7yo shrugs] and eventually they all died of boredomitis [7yo drops on the floor].

me [trying not to crack up]:  everyone dies?  that still kinda sucks.  [7yo again agrees]

10yo:  fine. so they all came back to life as kickboxing zombies and got rid of all the bad guys.  [7yo jumps up and does karate moves with a weird look on her face]  the end.

me: [drops head down and laughs so hard i nearly cry into the cookie batter]

there is absolutely no off button for her mouth….

still at dinner.  7yo lies down on her bench seat, then pops up saying “stick to the script” about 15 times.

me:  is there an off button for your mouth?

7yo:  no, there isn’t.  [points to one side of mouth] this is the louder button.  [points to bottom of mouth] this is the speed up button.  [points to  top left of mouth]  this is the off button.  [points to other side of mouth] this is the talk really fast button.  so i’m going to cover up the off button so you can’t press it.  actually i’m going to rip it off so you can’t press it.  [proceeds to practically pull her lips off making horrible sound]  there!