why did i get her this game again?

10yo, in lieu of reading on her own, chose to read to me from some sort of  minecraft handbook.  i now know more than i ever – EVER – wanted to about zombie pigmen and the difference between wither skeletons and withers (hint:  number of heads). i’m seriously rethinking the whole kindle for the kids things. *headdesk*

i think my kids are secretly reading shakespeare…and they’re boys

i wake up this morning.  the other side of the house is quiet – always a bad sign.  i go into 10yo’s room to find no kids, but a bare mattress that is suspiciously lumpy.  i proceed to sit on it, which of course causes squealing.

fast forward to 10 minutes later, i hear yelling from the room.  both are under the mattress but on top of the boxspring.

10yo:  she befouled my mattress!!!!!!!

me: ???

7yo [laughing hysterically]:  that means i passed gas on it.  [both crack up again]

me:…. [closes door and walks away pretending that these people aren’t related to me]

p.s.  did i mention that 7yo stole one of my lipsticks and put it on, but since she’s been playing, it is smeared all over her face and she looks like the joker or some other demented clown?  yeah, that too.

oh the thinks you can think pt 1

7yo is reading this dr. seuss book to me.  she gets to the part about the floating pool.

me:  i think that would be totally cool.

7yo [making a horrified face]:  NOT IF IT IS RAINING RABID DINGOS!!!!!

me:…

7yo:…

me:  you frighten me.

7yo: [laughs uncontrollably]

kill me now – bedtime edition

6yo [calling out from her bed where she is reading before going to sleep]:  mamaaaaaa,  i haaaave a neeeww waaay of tellinggggg you whennn i’m done reeeeading.  [voice inflecting up and down]  it invooolves making weeeird noisesssss.

me:  um, no.

6yo:  too late!  i already signed the contract giving me the right to do it!  [laughing loudly]

me [muttering to myself]:  damn soulsucker genes….