6yo: mama, i want to tell you something that happened on the playground that you will want to know about.
me [wary since she often tells me things i so do not want to know about]: will i really want to know about this?
6yo: yes, you will.
me: are you sure??
me [sighing]: okay, what?
6yo: there was a dead squirrel on the ground and one of the kids touched it.
9yo: and now they have cooties. or rabies!!!!
me: …that is exactly the kind of thing I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW! especially while i’m eating dinner.
6yo [giggling]: how am i supposed to know that?
me: [drops head onto table]
just told 8yo that she can’t go to the neighbors this weekend to wash their truck [yes, it was her idea and she was excited by it! don’t ask] because something came up.
8yo: tell me what – what came up?
me: it’s private family stuff for them.
8yo: puhleeeeze tell me! i’ll do anything! i clean the toilet!
me: no, it’s none of your business and i’m not telling you. end of story.
8yo: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I CLEAN THE TOILET EVERY DAY FOR LIKE 2000 YEARS!!!!
7yo [wrestling with me]: mama, let go of my legs. my pits are starting to sweat.
me: your legs have no pits!
7yo: yes, they do. behind my knees!
daddy to 4yo: hurry up!
4yo: i don’t hurry up fast.