kill me now – bedtime edition

6yo [calling out from her bed where she is reading before going to sleep]:  mamaaaaaa,  i haaaave a neeeww waaay of tellinggggg you whennn i’m done reeeeading.  [voice inflecting up and down]  it invooolves making weeeird noisesssss.

me:  um, no.

6yo:  too late!  i already signed the contract giving me the right to do it!  [laughing loudly]

me [muttering to myself]:  damn soulsucker genes….

snort

driving out in the boonies, we pass a field with a group of trees in it.

daddy:  there is a cow hiding in those trees.

8yo:  there so is not.

driving on, we pass another field with a large shade tree in it.  this time there is clearly a cow laying under the tree.

daddy:  there’s a cow laying in the shade under that tree.

8yo:  daddy is right, for once in his life.

me:  *snort*

right

5yo: the sore spot isn’t a bruise, it’s sun damage from being in the pool.

me: [thinking um, no it’s not, but whatever] ok, do you want me to put aloe on it?

5yo: no….. [thinking] because it will make my dress wet. aaaaaand [thinking] when you put aloe on it, it stings as it heals it, and it doesn’t feel better until it’s the next day and that’s way too long.

me: ok, no aloe then.

5yo: is there cream for sunburns?

me: yes, aloe. but i can put some of my cream on you instead.

5yo: ok. but later because…….[big breath] when you put it on in the morning, it kinda makes me fall asleep because it’s so soft.

me: right. *smh*