daddy and kids making a ton of noise in the other room.
me [looking at clock]: it’s past time to get ready for bed!! let’s go!
10yo [skipping into the room]: sorry, mama. daddy was teaching me how to shoot off people’s heads. (playing a weird, creepy xbox game, not IRL people)
me:……so glad daddy is teaching you the important things in life. *sigh*
the other day…
daddy: we’re going to take all the coins in these cups and put them in one of those coin counting machines so we can put them in your bank accounts. sound like a plan?
9yo: need to turn them into paper money cuz i got to get those dollars, yo
i woke up on saturday and walked out into the family room. 6yo is sitting on daddy’s lap and proudly announces: mama, daddy taught me how to cut people in half with a chainsaw and i did it all by myself!!!!! [huge smile and lots of giggles]
it takes me a minute to figure out that they are playing some godforsaken game on xbox. i then narrow my eyes at daddy and shake my head while exiting the room.
Sunday morning at my house: kids yell to me to come into the other room because daddy has underwear on his head.
daddy: everyone get ready for bed, or it’s BUM PINCHING TIME!!!
if you happened to wonder where the bum obsession came from. *smh*
daddy is now chasing them with the air popper gun and i am getting caught in the crossfire
daddy is causing total chaos with the kids. since they don’t stop when told, he is not stopping when they ask him to stop tickling/chasing them. and 8yo is screaming stop you’re gonna squeeze something out of me.
conversation at my house this morning:
4yo to daddy: you’re hairy.
daddy: you’re Bob.
4yo: you’re medicine
daddy: you’re grass.
4yo running around screaming, “get naked!!!”