lemonade stands that make you fall asleep…..

7yo:  i feel like…..lemonade.

me:  lemonade?

7yo:  yes, that means i feel cold.

me:…..so of all the ways to describe your being cold, you chose lemonade??

7yo:  actually, it means that i feel refreshing.

me [worried what this new turn might bring]:  refreshing…..

7yo:  which means that i’m sleepy.

me:  *gives up and proceeds to ignore child”

i’m a single mother of two kids and a zombie, apparently

i walk in the door coming home from work.  7yo runs up to me to say hello.

daddy:  did you tell mama about me?

7yo:  daddy has a bandage on his arm. he says he was bitten by a zombie and now he’s going to turn into a zombie. and when he’s tired, he wants to eat brains.  [giving daddy very skeptical look]

daddy:  and i’m coming for you later, tasty brain girl.  [7yo screams and hides behind me, pretending to shake with fear]

me: so glad i came home. [contemplates going back to work]


so glad we’re raising them right…

the other day…

daddy:  we’re going to take all the coins in these cups and put them in one of those coin counting machines so we can put them in your bank accounts.  sound like a plan?

9yo:  need to turn them into paper money cuz i got to get those dollars, yo