um, what?

daddy:  you girls have a short week and then a 4 day weekend!

9yo:  oh yeah. oh yeah.  who’s the relaxer? oh yeah.

daddy: ???


um, what?

9yo:  clothes block the power i have to control my mind.  being naked leaves me free to control myself.


bear in mind, we were not talking about clothes or nakedness or minds or….

um, what???

outside the gym, waiting for it and the children’s area to open up.  9yo is telling jokes, so i tell one i saw recently on facebook.

me:  why was the lobster not good at sharing?

9yo:  ummmm, i don’t know

6yo:  because he was crabby?

me:  no, but good guess.  because he was shellfish.

both kids laugh.

6yo:  i have one like that.  why was the carrot not good at sharing?

me:  hmmmm.  no clue.

6yo:  because he was…..crummy.


um, what?

8yo [at dinner table, eating pizza]:  this pizza is great. it has crumbs on the bottom that you can like.

me:  um, what?

8yo:  little yellow crumbs on the bottom. i like to lick them off. [demonstrates the licking for me]

me:  you know you are weird, right?

8yo:  the crumbs like to visit my face.  they have this thing about my eyebrows.


8yo:  to avoid the crumby eyebrow thing, you have to eat quickly.

me:  um, yeah.  [shakes and hangs head]

um, what?

6yo [yes, she’s 6 now!!!! sniff]:  [putting beaded necklace on her teeth]   look, i have braces!!

daddy and me:  [laughing]

6yo:  the fun never stops when you have braces!!!!!

me:  ?

8yo:  “the fun never stops when you have braces.”  that’s an inspiring campaign slogan!!

me:  [takes more aspirin]