it takes a….barn?

5yo:  mama!  i know all the names of all the baby animals!!

me: that’s great!  so, what is the name of a baby goat?

5yo:  ummmm…..i’m not sure.

mama:  [trying not to give her the answers] maybe it’s a..cub?

5yo:  no, that’s a baby bear.

me:  right!  but maybe it is also a cub?

5yo:  no. it is not.

me: i actually think it is called a kid.

5yo:  mooooom!  a baby goat is NOT a kid.  I am what is known as a kid!!! [fairly rolls eyes at my stupidity]

me: [trying hard not to laugh] oh, ok, i’m sorry.  what about a lion?

5yo:  a baby lion is a….wildcat.

me: uh huh.  a tiger?

5yo:  that’s a pup.  like a baby dog. but a baby tiger.

me:  got it.  how about a bird?

5yo:  that’s a bird-y.  like a bird, with an ee on the end.

me:  [stifling a laugh] and a fish?

5yo:  a fish-y. [big smile]

me:  and a monkey?

5yo:  a monk.  it’s a strange sounding word, i know, but that’s what it’s called.

me:  gotcha.

but no sharks

8yo is actively trying to melt a half-gallon of ice cream with lasers from her eyes so that she can have an ice cream cone sooner.  LMAO!!!

superheroes?

just had a mama-daughter dinner. conversation consisted of discussion of the crimson chin, nega chin, the bronze knee cap, and cleft boy. WTF do they put in kids’ cartoons these days?!?

morning at my house

daddy pretends to bite 8yo’s arm.

8yo:  don’t bite my blubber!!!

daddy and me:  [falling on the floor laughing]

5yo:  she has blubber because she is a whale because she is loud like a whale.  whale’s go aaaaaoooooohhhhh when they talk.

me:  ….

i was laughing too hard to hear the part that followed, but it devolved into this:

8yo:  i’m blubberman and i shoot blubber out of my…..toe.

5yo:  i’m webgirl [??? don’t ask – i don’t know where the web came from] and i shoot webs out of my belly button!!

both take off running around the house with one arm in front, like superman.  LOL

oh yeah (updated with sound!)

sent 5yo in her room to get her night clothes on.  this is what we hear:

5yo:  i’m gonna go in my room and THROW off my robe!  i’m naked – oh yeah [in sing songy voice].

me and daddy:  [cracking up]

5yo:  [making a song out of it]  i’m naked – oh yeah. oh yeah. oh yeah.

in case you were wondering how it sounded…..

oh yeah

sent 5yo in her room to get her night clothes on.  this is what we hear:

5yo:  i’m gonna go in my room and THROW off my robe!  i’m naked – oh yeah [in sing songy voice].

me and daddy:  [cracking up]

5yo:  [making a song out of it]  i’m naked – oh yeah. oh yeah. oh yeah.

 

in case you were wondering how it sounded…..

irony is…

the 8yo, who gets up at 530 am on weekends and manages to wake everyone else up with her by 700, telling us that she is sleeping in tomorrow and not to wake HER up!

tmi continued

driving to the library later in the day.  5 mins out from the house.

5yo:  i think i forgot to put on underwear.  [dissolves in a fit of giggles]

me:  [just lowers and shakes my head]

tmi

8yo and 5yo attack me when i get up.

8yo:  pretend you are going to wipe your messy face on her.  [both move toward me, and yes, they had been eating oreos – nuff said]

this goes on with them attacking me and me repelling them for several minutes.

8yo:  we’re gonna wipe the oreo mess all over your shirt!

5yo: i’m not wearing underwear!!!

me:  *smh*

snort

driving out in the boonies, we pass a field with a group of trees in it.

daddy:  there is a cow hiding in those trees.

8yo:  there so is not.

driving on, we pass another field with a large shade tree in it.  this time there is clearly a cow laying under the tree.

daddy:  there’s a cow laying in the shade under that tree.

8yo:  daddy is right, for once in his life.

me:  *snort*

tmi

8yo and 5yo attack me when i get up.

8yo:  pretend you are going to wipe your messy face on her.  [both move toward me, and yes, they had been eating oreos – nuff said]

this goes on with them attacking me and me repelling them for several minutes.

8yo:  we’re gonna wipe the oreo mess all over your shirt!

5yo: i’m not wearing underwear!!!

me:  *smh*

tmi continued

driving to the library later in the day.  5 mins out from the house.

5yo:  i think i forgot to put on underwear.  [dissolves in a fit of giggles]

me:  [just lowers and shakes my head]

I win at parenting

5yo just came running in and jumped on me, squealing EWOK ATTACK!!! I win at parenting, except I can’t breathe.

single mother of three, with video games

daddy is playing borderlands 2 on the xbox while the kids watch.  5yo is cheering him on when he kills things. yay?

8yo tells him he should do a particular action to get past the next level/mission/whatever (can you tell i don’t play xbox?).  daddy says no, he has been working on this for several days and he will figure it out.

after trying numerous more times and 8yo telling him he should do what she says, he finally does do what she says….and makes it to the next whatever.  8yo is all “i told you so daddy.  daddy is pouting and grumpy now.  LMAO

new form of communication?

daddy to 5yo:  what do you want for dinner?

5yo stands up on bed, makes a silly face, throws her arms around wildly, then falls forward and faceplants herself on the bed.

daddy:  [cracking up]

single mother of three

Sunday morning at my house:  kids yell to me to come into the other room because daddy has underwear on his head.

*sigh*

true words of wisdom

words of wisdom from 5yo:  you can’t forget to wear underwear to school;  your bum will get cold!