omg this is sooo my kids!!! the pic on the left is how my house looks on the weekends, and the pic on the right is school days!
4yo: why did the bunny cross the road?
me: i don’t know. why?
4yo: to get donuts at the donut shop.
daddy: so the bunny got some donuts? cool
4yo: no, the donut shop was closed and they were out of donuts.
i woke up on saturday and walked out into the family room. 6yo is sitting on daddy’s lap and proudly announces: mama, daddy taught me how to cut people in half with a chainsaw and i did it all by myself!!!!! [huge smile and lots of giggles]
it takes me a minute to figure out that they are playing some godforsaken game on xbox. i then narrow my eyes at daddy and shake my head while exiting the room.
drive to school this morning.
daddy: oh no, here comes the sun!!! if we were vampires, we’d all be dead!
9yo’s response: i’ve been working on my chicken impression. it’s coming along quite well.
so i have barely woken up and am in the bathroom. the kids have spent most of the weekend playing “clubhouse” in our closet. (yes, the same closet that the 9yo ran away to live in. clearly our closet is fascinating beyond what i can see.) i sit down and then i hear CRASH from the closet. half naked, i jump up and throw open the door in time to see the back wire rack shelving that 1/3 of our clothes are on has come out of the wall and nearly landed on the kids. 9yo is crying about her toe, but 6yo is relatively calm. apparently 9yo was trying to climb up on a bench/storage box we have in there and held onto the rack to pull her 65+ lb self up on it. thankfully no one was hurt, but our closet is wrecked and daddy – who has done an awesome job of taking care of the kids while i was out of town – now has to spend the day fixing the rack.
so how was YOUR morning? *sigh*
kids ambush me as soon as i get home and ask me to play a game they made up: cakery bakery(TM). so one of them is supposed to make me a cake from like 3000 different options that they gave to me, and the other is supposed to entertain me with jokes. 9yo “bakes.”
6yo: what is the difference between a jellyfish and a violin?
me [tired after work]: one is a jellyfish and one is a violin…
6yo: no, you can’t strum a jellyfish.
whereupon both kids pretend to be patrick from spongebob and grab a pretend jellyfish and strum him, laughing loudly. clearly they watch too much tv. bad. tv.
6yo: what is the same between a tree and a dog?
me: they both have a bark?
6yo: NO, what is the difference between a tree and a dog?
me: i don’t know. one has leaves?
6yo: NO, IT’S ABOUT THE DOG.
me: it has fleas?
6yo: no. what is the difference between a fox and a dog?
me [wondering what happened to the answer to the tree/dog joke. what is this, like a game show where i get the wrong answer too many times and have to skip to the next? wtf? but then i think of one of their favorite songs]: a dog says woof but we don’t know what the fox says? [laughing]
6yo: NO, WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!?
[both start singing ring ding ding ding ding….. and dancing and laughing hysterically]
6yo: want a banana split without the banana?
me: [brain explodes]